One year ago today

"So I think I'm gonna start a blog"

DO IT and post your amazing photography!

Happy Birthday "...Something witty should probably go here" !

If you get really bored and happen to be looking through my blog,go back to Oct.08 and see...I laughed at a lot of them because I could remember what I was exactly thinking when writing the stuff I wrote down. Anyway,I may not post as much,you all have Tumblr to thank for that...haha.

Anyway,here's to a quick post.

-Malika

It doesn't always have to be beautiful.

"I'm so sick of the idiots here"

I'm actually gonna write a normal entry...
All is well in paradise, although the sun could shine a little more. I can't complain about much to be honest and it actually feels pretty sweet. I started a writing project that I'm somewhat stoked on and two-three people have told me to continue so I just might, also I normally don't ever join school clubs or events, but today I went to the "school newspaper" meeting on a whim, there wasn't too much people but I'm actually really looking forward to it, it seems like it will be some good fun and it's making me look foward to my writer's craft class next semester.

ANYHOW, everything with me is good..well there's always going to be things I want to complain about but it's nothing I can't handle haha..

OH and, tomorrow will be a year sinse I've had this blog, it kinda feels cool looking through all my posts and remembering what was going on when I posted them,haha.

Anyways, until my next post..
-Malika

Fear is the heart of love.

"A clean slate"

I'm actually genuinely happy right now and it feels so good.
I made my first fried egg tonight and I ruled at it.
I have this wierd feeling that everything is going to fall into place.
I really want the drivers strike to end.
I liked my shift tonight at work tonight.
I kind of hate being a girl.
I've been reading so much lately.
I'm happy it's the weekend.
I'm happy I don't work tomorrow.
I almost punched somebody in the face today.
I hate ignorant people.
I'm a little worried about one thing.
I'm scared of letting my mom down, but I know it's inevitable.
I want to be sucessful.
I want to like my life all the time.
I hate how my mood changes so easily.
I don't like how sometimes I'm not stable.
I talk really fast when I'm nervous or super excited.
I always pace when I'm on the phone.
I'm not like I used to be, and I love it.
I sometimes think I'm a good person.
I sometimes think I'm a truly terrible person.
I don't like how the weather has been.
I don't like laptop keyboards very much.
I sometimes like the way clothes look on my body shape.
I'm excited for Halloween.
My birthday is a on a Friday this year for once.
I find when I do posts like this, I come across as more simple-minded.
I find when I do posts like this, I'm actually more scatter-brained then ever.
I like posts like this though.


I'm in a really good mood right now.
-Malika

Sad song day.

"You don't have to stay"

I'd spend every moment that I had with you if I could.

Another post like this;

Today with my boyfriend ruled,I want him to just get home and be better and alright.

My feelings are on a rollercoaster and my eyes are puking.

I'm scared of coming to a realization about one thing.

I'm kind of excited for Monday.

I used to be so oblivious of all the stupid things I ever did.

I want to build up again.

I love my dark hair.

I really wish I could have learned acoustic a long time ago.

I want some motivation to work on my charcole canvas thats been sitting in my room for almost six months.

I still think about what happened in April.

I still think about what happened this Summer.

I still think about grade nine almost every day.

I really disslike my father.

I don't want to go back to my english class ever.

I decided to go with my plan A after highschool ends.

I need to find a new job.

I want my boyfriend to get a job too.

I need to save more money.

I always think about how good certain boys clothes would go together.

I hate how my mom yells all the time.

I love milk.

I really like pears.

I like the few friends I have.

I love my boyfriend.

I miss Miia.

I'm in a terrible mood.

My day wasn't that bad.

-Malika

I can't blog.

"Get better,please"

"I don’t want you to get the idea she was a goddam icicle or something, just because we never necked or horsed around much. She wasn’t. I held hands with her all the time, for instance. That doesn’t sound like much, I realize, but she was terrific to hold hands with. Most girls if you hold hands with them, their goddam hand dies on you, or else they think they have to keep moving their hand all the time, as if they were afraid they’d bore you or something. Jane was different. We’d get into a goddam movie or something, and right away we’d start holding hands, and we wouldn’t quit till the movie was over. And without changing the position or making a big deal out of it. You never even worried with Jane, whether your hand was sweaty or not. All you knew was, you were happy. You really were."-Catcher In The Rye.

-Malika

Untitled mood.

"Get better"

-Malika

"Tumblr is so much easier"

My life is wonderful.
I like tumblr more.
My boyfriend rules.
I hate Spencer reading over my shoulder.
Ipods rule.
I'm really bored with Sudbury.
I'm starting to get bored of my job.
I can't wait for the new year.
I'm addicted to Vampire Diaries.
I keep thinking of the future.
I keep thinking of the past(long ago past).
I think it's pretty sad how I live for my weekends.
I'm still really addicted to the Sims.
I really like Douglas Coupland.
I really like I Heart Hiroshima.
I disslike the morning news my dad insists on watching every morning.
I like my brown knuckles,thank you.
I miss grade 9.
I don't know what I want to do with my life anymore.
I don't want people to think this is a big whine...
I like writing blogs as easy as this one.
-Malika

Grade10 me in the picture.

"It's just a phase"

I remember when I was in grade10 and I hated everybody for a lot of stupid reasons. It was the year I went through a lot of changes, myself in grade 9 compared to myself in grade 10 was the most drastic change I went through, it was a good change, but then again it wasn't. I was an egotistical bitch who thought she was better then everyone else except the people I wanted to be like or the few people I hungout with, because I ditched a lot of my old friends(sometimes I think that was a good choice). I believed I was so much "smarter" then the people I hated and it gave me this big boost when someone would feed off my sarcastic comments(I've always made them,and still do). I thought I was so much cooler then other kids because I knew certain people, when infact I was knew nobody who really mattered anyway. I remember my bestfriend pointing out how I wasn't the best person to be around and that I should re-evaluate some of the things I said about people. When I took a step back and looked at who I was becoming it kind of hit me and made me realize how dumb I must look to some people. To this day, an old friend of mine will remind me of the arguments we'd get into because I thought I knew everything about whatever we were talking about and I'd always make her feel really dumb, I feel pretty bad about it now because I realize that everyone has different views about things.

I sometimes wonder if Miia never pulled me aside and made that point if I woulda still been some girl with an inflated ego, like a lot of them in this city... I don't know, I'm hoping I would've been able to see it but sadly I know I wouldn't have. I can honestly say that I like the person I am now, obviously there's things I wish I could improve on but I personally know that if I want to improve on them I will in time.

I'm watching a friend of mine go through that same phase I went through two years ago, and I kind of wonder if I should mention anything...but then again, maybe I shouldn't.

-Malika

Turkey Weekend.

"There's no place like home"

except your grandma's.

You know you're lucky when you get not one, but two turkey dinners, or it makes you realize that this is probably how being a couple works. Why didn't I think of it before now? Ha.

This weekend was really great and I wouldn't have wanted it any other way minus the fact that my grandparents place having well water, making it close to impossible to showering. Ryan got to meet the family, and it went soso well and I was actually quite surprised to be honest. Anyhow,lots of people have been realizing how happy I've been lately and it's surprising them.. which makes me feel like I'm some sort of drone who never smiles and comes across as some depressed angsty teenager.. well,for the most part of my life I guess that's how I've presented myself.

I'm missing my bestfriend more and more lately, and really pissed off at the stupid post office because they must have lost my letter to her, I'm really hoping it will be sent back to me because then I can just send a big package with her October mixedCD (that I have to make) and the other one. Sudbury is starting to feel empty again, but I'm not sure if it's because of this weather or if it's because this is usually when I spend the most time with my bestfriend cozied up infront of her fireplace having the best/pointless/impossible to understand chats with her along with some really good tea.

There was a plane crash this weekend and two young lives were lost, I didn't personally know them but met the two of them on different occasions and Ryan grew up with the guy that passed. As I usually am when a death of someone I've either met on different occasions or heard of happens it always makes me think of growing up and how they'll never get to, or have any of those experiences that I'll get to have, and then I think about their loved ones and friends, or just the people who had minor experiences with them. It's funny how life just happens like that.

-Malika.

You da fucken best.

"Lots"

I love how random East Indian people call me on Skype when I'm at work and message me,JUST because my names middle eastern doesn't mean I'm from their damn country!
I look at tatoos everyday on this tumblr, and I'm constantly changing my mind, I want to get three in total(so far), one on my left calve(going to be my biggest one), one on my wrist and the other one on my foot, although I'm not really sure which I want to get on my foot. Although, my biggest one I'm going to do as soon as I turn 20, not that the age 20 has anything to do with it, but I want to wait that long to get the one that's going to mean the most to me and has the most meaning behind it. The first one I want to get on my wrist but I haven't found the perfect thing yet, I want it to be writing, but nothing has really struck me quite yet. Then the other one I want to get on my foot, I want it to be a red balloon, with the lyric, "Something's out there" under it. The third one I want to get is going to be on my left calve, it's going to be a tree, and around the trunk it's going to have a snake wrapped around it with an apple in its mouth, but it's going to look as if it's on a tattered piece of paper, and have "temptation" under the tree either in english or lattin. I know the last one seems a little religious, but I'm not at all. I wrote this really long peice of writing about that word for an assignment last year and scored a really good mark on it. But yeah, I think I might get my foot one first because I haven't figured out what I want to get on my wrist... Miia's supposed to draw the one for my calve when she gets back, but I have awhile so there's no rush.

Anyhow, all is well..can I keep it that way?

-Malika

I'm really quite happy I'd say.

"You're smiling,why?"

I agree,every girl should have a gay friend,or two.

-Malika

Second post of the day

This is for my bestfriend Miia, I miss her so much and wish I could bring her home for one day just so I can hangout with her all by myself, but that's not that case so I guess I have to wait until January-Febuary.

-Malika

I got a tumblr.

"I don't like this feeling"

I swear I won't stop writing in this, it will be a year of on the 29th, although I just spent two hours on Tmblr looking at people's stuff,creeping I suppose the word's called.
This week went by so fast, which is good! I get the day off at school today and same with work, but I have to work all weekend, which isn't too bad because I need the cash to buy this really awesome jacket and an American Aperal sweater,since it's actually starting to feel like fall outside. I bought a new beanie not long ago too,I just need to get a new scarf and some cute mittens. I don't like this cold though, it feels like the winters going to be a bitch, and I don't like how there's not much of a spring/summer here, I wish I could live somewhere where it's nice all year round but then I'd probably get annoyed with that too..sometimes there's just no winning with me haha.
I'm going to Ryan's today, it's wierd I have such a hard time between saying my bestfriend's or boyfriend's to certain people because I'm not sure what their reaction would be, so far I've gotten, "Who's you're boyfriend?" or it's "You guys finally decided?". In a way I get this defeated feeling when some people say, "Finally". I can't really explain it but it's just, why does it matter? unlike some people we took our time to get to know eachother as friends and then after we cleared all the bullshit out of the way that was always stopping us, we made it official. I don't know why I constantly have the feeling of defeat though, maybe the way it happened or how I finally realized that he really was one of the few people I truely care about, it's just.. I was so happy with the fact that I was finally able to say, "Yeah,I'm single but fuck relationships". Not that I don't want one with him, but it just felt good to be happy without someone, I was getting back to my old self again,how I was like back in, January. Just floating along with no cares but for my friends and school. But I knew that if I didn't take this chance by the hand I'd never have another like it.
PS-If you happen to read this, don't worry kay?
-Malika