Missed chances..

"Hey!"

When I was out earlier today, I saw a friend I was getting sort of close to when my boyfriend and I were taking some time for ourselves. This said friend had told me he liked me as more than just a friend and instead of being thrilled I was horrified. I ran in the opposite direction, told him I would get to know him.. two days later I ended up getting back with Ryan. I explained it to him and now we briefly talk, which sucks because he really is a great guy. Well, when I saw him today a wave of feelings came over me.It made me realize I'm probably missing out on something good or something that could have been awesome, but you see... I wasn't in the right state of mind to be getting to know someone new in a romantic way, I was still torn up about what happened between Ryan and I. And the thing is, I know it could have turned into something with Matt, but I know for a fact I'd just be comparing it with whatever Ryan and I had, constantly. I know he'd be all I'd think about, and I didn't want to be that girl...being with someone just because I can't be with the person I truly want.

I don't know tonight was kinda strange.

It still exists?

"Blogspot?"

Oh my jeeze.. I haven't made a single post on this silly thing for a really really long time. Tumblr definitely took over.
What has been up? Where do I even begin?!?.. Well, I should begin with saying that I'm quite content with what has happened since the last time I posted something. I'm not longer under the same pressures that I was when I was living at home. That special someone I made a previous post about is still in my life, we've gone through some downs and got dragged through the mud a bit but we made it through and I'm so grateful that he's in my life. My parents separated and my mom and I are living in a different place. I started another year of school at the beginning of the month and I'm really hoping for the best, better than last year that is. My life is completely different and is always changing and most of the time I'm embracing the change with open arms because that's how I know I'm progressing towards something, and that's what matters right?

I have no clue how long it will be before I make another post on this but I'll try to as much as it crosses my mind. Although, I'm doubting the fact that anyone still reads this since I've switched over ti Tumblr which I'll give a link to below....
Maks1234.tumblr.com

Merry Holidays.

"There's not really much spontaneous stuff to do in the winter time"

I want summer.

Happy holidays folks, hope you all had a safe and happy Christmas, mine went alright. Met my boyfriend's dad's side of the family(I was really nervous) on the 24th and made some sort of impression that I hope they liked... then on Christmas day had a minor disagreement with my mom and went to my aunts place to share some Christmas cheer, was quite nice.
I'm pretty excited for new years, it'll be nothing like last year but still should be fun all in all.
I've made two or three resolutions:
1)Consistancy-Take better care of my diabetes.
2)Do well in school for second semester.
3)Join soccer when spring/summer starts.

I'm still addicted to tumblr more then any other site on the internet, and mainly just come on here to check one blog out for music and another one because a friend of mine always updates his.
Anyhow, thought I'd check in and write a little post.. hope all yous have a good rest of the holiday and a happy new years.
-Malika

My tumblr link is below, if you care enough check it out...

http://maks1234.tumblr.com/
Check that, it's more active then this. I just come on here to go to: http://disorderyan.blogspot.com/

My life is all twisted and wound with many intricate details I can't really explain, but right now it's a pretty sight to see.

Post 1234

"Why do I feel so scared?"

Strangest feelings have been coming up lately...I haven't had these sinse elementry-beginning of highschool. I've been having so much anxiety lately and I keep getting scared to the point where I can barely move. I don't take medication for it anymore because that didn't work out due to certain circumstances. I don't know what's wrong with me, and only certain things/people calm me down. I don't want to start smoking again as a vice to deal with this but I have a feeling that's what I'm going to end up doing, either that or go back to sleeping all the time. Maybe this is happening because my strange sleeping patterns, but I can never be too sure. This has been going on for a little while now but it's starting to get really bad again and I can't pinpoint the cause of it either, unlike the last time. I think it has something to due with the fact that school has been creeping up on me and my homelife isn't going too well.. I feel defeated and stupid for running away from my problems that seem to be chasing me and I guess I'm coming to the end of the road and can't really run any longer. It feels like there's things I'm not seeing and places where I should be going, but I'm so scared to make the realizations in fear of it being something I won't be able to get used to.
I don't know,maybe I'm just going through something that will go away within the next week, although I highly doubt it will. All I can say is that I'm so happy to have my boyfriend there for me because right now it feels like I don't have too much that isn't slipping through my fingers.

-Malika

It's my birthday in two days!

"It's been so long since I've posted on my blogspot"

Wow, posted almost a month ago... Nothing exciting has really happened, me and Ryan are still together. School is pretty shitty, my homelife still sucks balls... Also, I'm starting to get bored of my job.... Although, on the plus side..my dad is going way for the weekend and I'm having a get together on Friday for my birthday so that should be interesting.
Anyways,better get back to Accounting..that I'm not really doing.
Until my next post,
-Malika

One year ago today

"So I think I'm gonna start a blog"

DO IT and post your amazing photography!

Happy Birthday "...Something witty should probably go here" !

If you get really bored and happen to be looking through my blog,go back to Oct.08 and see...I laughed at a lot of them because I could remember what I was exactly thinking when writing the stuff I wrote down. Anyway,I may not post as much,you all have Tumblr to thank for that...haha.

Anyway,here's to a quick post.

-Malika