Post 1234

"Why do I feel so scared?"

Strangest feelings have been coming up lately...I haven't had these sinse elementry-beginning of highschool. I've been having so much anxiety lately and I keep getting scared to the point where I can barely move. I don't take medication for it anymore because that didn't work out due to certain circumstances. I don't know what's wrong with me, and only certain things/people calm me down. I don't want to start smoking again as a vice to deal with this but I have a feeling that's what I'm going to end up doing, either that or go back to sleeping all the time. Maybe this is happening because my strange sleeping patterns, but I can never be too sure. This has been going on for a little while now but it's starting to get really bad again and I can't pinpoint the cause of it either, unlike the last time. I think it has something to due with the fact that school has been creeping up on me and my homelife isn't going too well.. I feel defeated and stupid for running away from my problems that seem to be chasing me and I guess I'm coming to the end of the road and can't really run any longer. It feels like there's things I'm not seeing and places where I should be going, but I'm so scared to make the realizations in fear of it being something I won't be able to get used to.
I don't know,maybe I'm just going through something that will go away within the next week, although I highly doubt it will. All I can say is that I'm so happy to have my boyfriend there for me because right now it feels like I don't have too much that isn't slipping through my fingers.

-Malika