Three words:

"About fucking time"

Most wierd,fucked up day goes to today.

Started off normal, went to school for period one and two, hungout with friends at lunch and then for third went to a presentation that I had no idea what it was about, to my amazement, it was Eva Olsson, a Holocaust survivor...It was really empowering and put a few things into my head about family values. After that I went to Janelle's, and OH what an experience that was. Our plan, was to do some mushrooms. We followed through on it, and wow. Wierdest trip so far,I had no idea I was high until an hour later, I layed on her sofa for what felt like an hour(but was only 20minutes) in an induced state of happiness, I'm really quite dissgusted with myself for that, but it was deffenitely an expierience. After I came to the realization of how high we actually were, we sat there and laughed at the most basic stuff ever. Bonded for sure,this is something we'll laugh always laugh about. Of coarse,my mother had to call and break up the "fun" and showed up. She took me out for some dinner and I ended up having a near death experience because of her awesome driving skills...the scariest part about it was that she was telling me how she's been depressed, and then she does that and had the nerve to tell me that what had happened didn't even alarm her, HA! thanks mom,I'll remember that next time you decide to be suicidal and being in the state that I was didn't help matters.

So,after that whole thing I ended up ranting about how she lets my father control everything she does and made a bunch of realizations about my parents and how much they really bug me, and how I never want to be like how they are. When we finally got home before I had to go in the house, I looked at her and said, "Mom,I'm really high on mushrooms right now"

Guess what she said back, "Oh fuck my life"

Is she really that depressed?

-Malika

Woah.

"It's only cause you don't know anything about it"

Woahwoahwoah,so much in so little time. Heart overloaded with emotions that I don't know what to do with.
This is wierd, cause I'm getting what I always would have wanted before, now? I don't know,I was/is comfortable just being numb to everything. Alchohol is dotdotdot.
Although,I meant every word and don't regret it one bit.
-Malika

Forget Regret

"Lets be young and irresponsible."

Because we can.

I think for the first time this year I'm actually excited to be at school, my friend who shadowed me last week has transfered over, Ryan is coming tomorrow to finalize his classes and I dropped World Issues and transfered to Accounting instead. I know I said I'd never touch anything to do with math again but then I looked at what I want to take at university and it would probably be pretty useful to take that then be a newb walking in there with no knowlodge. All in all, I'm stoked with school and I'm starting to realize the people I was worrying about really aren't better then me at all, they're just really annoying, hah.
I bought a really nice plaid shirt today and some jeans, although they're from one of my least favorite stores they're still pretty sweet. I also bought another two books for my english class because I learned today that the ones I was planning on reading don't fit the requirements. So the ones I chose are "Cockroach" and "A Complicated Kindness". HOPEFULLY(fingers and toes crossed!) I like them.
I've been thinking thinking thinking,I'm happy but yet not. I'm happy by myself but yet lonely.
I'm patiently waiting but getting impatient.
That sums what's going on right now with me.
OH and my new second period is in a computer lab, so...I'll be posting more frequently. Yay! ^_^
-Malika

"Mais non?"

Okay summer vacation, you can come back any day now.

Ugh,I love Sundays because I never work on them,, but I don't like them because the day after is Monday and I really hate those days.

I love gokarts,I love Currie and I love Cory Hart. BASICALLY I love my goodfriend Nick. We've been friends since early elementary school and he rules a lot. I owe him my sims obsession haha.

I bought two books Friday, Star Girl and Love, Star Girl. I started the first one and so far so good.

I don't really know what else to write, I'm not really that happy with the way things are going right now for many reasons that I'm not going to get into, but I'm doing my best to be happy in times like this.

Until my next post,

-Malika

RantRantRant.

"That's how the native americans did it"

I think everyone should get off my back, all people have been doing is nagging me. It's starting to drive me mad. "Go to school", "Make sure you check your work hours", "If you don't go to school you're not going to go anywhere in life","Come on,just do it", "You're so dumb", "Hope you sent it".

Wow,it's getting so hectic and I want to run into a dark cave and HIDE.I just want simple,is that really to hard to ask? apparently so. School is getting on my nerves and it's honestly a prison right now,I barely talk to anybody anymore. I'm regretting a choice I made last semester which is bumming me out because up until this point I only had one regret in my life,now I have two. I hate how people are hypocrites and I hate how I can't complain about it because it's nothing to them,but it means a lot to me but of coarse nobody quite understands that either.
Also,what's with everyone dieing all of a sudden?
Besides Patrick Swayze(which is really sad), some extended family has passed away but also my mom's friend,and some kids in a car accident as well as a classmates sister's boyfriend she went on a speel about today. On a little bit of a morbid note, my mom and I were talking about how I'd want my funeral if I were to die a young death, and so it's going to be like this,

NOBODY(no person) is to wear black to my funeral at all, why? WELL because because black is represented as a color of mourning. And why you might ask I don't want it? because I don't want people to mourn my death, I don't want them to cry about me being gone,I want them to be happy that I was on earth for as many years as I was, be thankful that they had the chance to meet me and enjoy(or hate) my presence,I don't want people crying about how much they'll miss me,rather be happy about the times I got to spend with them. As sappy as that sounds.
And then they'd play one of my favorite songs,and then when whoever makes my speech,make sure they give a shoutout to all of my closest friends and tell them to go to the bar and have a few good drinks and probably smoke some herb for me.
I'd want to be cremated and for my ashes to be spread out in the lake, but for one handful I'd want them to be let go over fire.
Wow,I'm really not that morbid...but that's pretty much what I told my mom today when we were talking about how the funeral she went to was,that's another thing I don't do,is funerals,since well my logic is stated above,I refuse to wear black hence my mom not thinking it's a good idea I attend.
MOVING ON, my friend is shadowing me tomorrow for school and I'm quite excited cause I want to show her some people who go to my school as well as introduce her to this one boy in my english class.
ANYHOW,I'm quite tired and I still have some History homework to catch up on.
Until my next post,
-Malika

Test..onetwothree

"Lets cruise through the D-town Mall"

I don't want to work today,I want to go out with my friends and get sloshed.Fuck.
I should be Finishing Miia's Cd cover and sending it off to her,but I'm too busy doing nothing instead. We skype and I love it,but the stupid program made my computer 10times slower and it lags too much. I got some prices for the mac and it makes me really excited because my Mom agreed she'd go halves with me,after I save up a lump of money. If everything goes acording to plan I'll have the money in about 6weeks,which is close to the time of my birthday so it will rule. Speaking of my birthday it's finally on a weekend(Friday),of coarse I'm not sure what I'm going to be doing, but I can bet on some partying to be done. The day before I'm going to be going to dinner with my Mom and Ryan and probably some other chump I'll invite...Respect is Burning is where it's at,best resturant ever. Anyways,I should get working on that CD cover for my bestfriend before she starts to think I don't even have it done. I'll post the playlist up for all to see once I've sent it off,it'll be a nice spoiler for her if she reads this.
Until my next post,
-Malika

Finally.

"Make money,smile lots and have fun,don't frett it'll all make sense one day."

I love my cousin,best person ever.
I acted on impulse tonight.
I miss my bestfriend more then anything in the world right now.
I puked a whole bunch at super time.
I miss my old friends a little bit.
I like my mom.
I like my job.
I bought Tracy Fragments today.
I bought The Whale and Mozart too.
I almost bought a really cute cardi but I saw the movies instead.
I can't wait 'till October.
I've skipped my english class since Friday.
I have a crush on Harry Potter.
I have a crush on every guy.
I feel free and I like that feeling,lots.
I'm annoyed though,and it's making me miss my bestfriend tons.
I miss Ryan and want to talk to him rightright now but he's not online.
I like doing my own groceries.
I still like www.lookbook.nu
Today was a waste.
Oh yeah,I like making lists.
-Malika

So,here it is.

"He really did eh?"

I feel like a hypocrite times 10,for one major reason. I broke a promise to myself,sososo disapointed. First week of school has past,I...really don't mind it. I have like two friends but you know...loneliness isn't always so bad(HAH). I've already skipped(sadly) and I'm sort of bored with people watching. My life feels as if it's on pause in more ways then one,but going way to fast in others. July already feels eons ago,and those feelings are burried finally,sometimes they come and visit me when I let my mind wonder there but I'm getting better at not thinking about it. I'm going down to Barrie in October,not really sure when I'm going exactly but sometime next month I'm boarding a bus down to see my old friend and a new one,well sort of new, I'm really quite excited.


I'm re-evaluating my life,deciding what's most important. Writing everything down that makes me feel,weather it being happy or not. I'm reading more, and taking in every line. I'm writing a lot more too,the weather has been so inspiring. Listening to people's opinions about life and watching them fall in and out of love has also spiked an odd emotion in me, it's heartbreaking and I cried the other day because of it. It's funny how some people hang onto the imperminent things with dear life,and when they disapear they fail to realize that all the time they'll spend suffering with their loss they could be out cherishing their family and friends. It's heartbreaking how some people always have to learn the hard way to realize that life isn't always handed to the people who deserve it the most. Wow,I sound like a saptree...I'll stop.


Moving on, my job is going really well...nothing like my last(was pure hell),I have a feeling I'll be at this place for awhile. I've put my first amount of money down for saving for an iMac which rules so much because it gives me hope that I'll keep feeding that small lump of green. Also,I started going to jogs(or longlong walks),it clears my mind so much and makes me feel healthy when I see people in their cars instead of walking.
Anyways,some homework is sitting on my bed waiting to be done.Don't expect much in the next little while,I've been busy thinking too much..
-Malika

I know I promised a long post.

"October"

Patrick Park beats any country.
-Malika

I should have lots to say.

"Woowww"

I'm really not in the mood to blog right now,but I feel that I should update,so here it is: I'll post on Monday,about my long weekend...should be good and school school school...oh where can I fit that in? A long and deserving post will be delivered on Monday night for sure.
PS-I'm addicted to Bright Eyes/Connor Oberst.
-Malika