Never again

"Just stop"

Being alone used to be blissful but now it feels like I got nothing at all. And I wasn't the one who threw it all away,but somehow the blame falls on me. But,I've shed my tears and had my days in the dark,now it's time to perk up and test the waters without the help from anybody. I won't let this break me down,not again. Here's something I wrote,when I was in the "dark",

"It’s weird, how you’re one of the only people who can make my day the best or the worst and yet you don’t even have to say much. And it sucks because it takes me so long to recover from it. It shouldn’t have this much effect because we weren’t even together for that long, but this is why I don’t date people… I get attached to the feelings that I had for the person, not even the person, just the way I felt when I was with them. Maybe it’s because there’s rare times that I truly am happy, because I’m always wanting more. Always expecting something is going to happen and can’t just live in the moment for one minute. Dreaming of the future isn’t going to get me anywhere but a dead end, how can I be happy in the future when I can’t even be happy in the present time? There is no person or greater power around to explain to people why heartbreak hurts so bad, or why, when everything should just go away, it doesn’t. You’re left in this life to figure it out yourself, weather you do a good job at finding the solution to being happy. I say “the little things make me happy”, but I never really thought, all the little things also make me sad. It’s forbidden to talk about the things that make you sad though because people just throw a bunch of labels on you and think you’re some over emotional roller coaster. Do you forbid any feelings because of past regrets with certain people? Or is it because you’re scared to get hurt? Is that when you stopped trying? Because it’s easier to just give up something then get worked up over? I wish I knew the answer, or what to say to it. I think I helped you once, I don’t know if you know this but in reality you helped me a lot more."

1) I wasn't all there when I wrote this.
2) Second most personal thing I've ever written about somebody.
I'm doing better,since I wrote that and that's all that should really matter.
The sun is out shinning and I'm out there with it doing the same.
-Malika