The reasons all ran away,but the feelings still exist.

"No,It's okay"

Another wasted day,another wasted chance. I love sleeping in really late,but I can't help but feel it's a waste of time for some reason. There's so much things I want to do,but I have little motivation to actually do them and I can only think of one thing/person who would give me that little motivation I need and they're not here anymore to do that. I'm so lonely and I really hate it, I want someone to be happy with because, I can't find anything to be happy about when I'm alone,it's pathetic that it takes a certain feeling to make me feel like I've got all that I could ever want,when in reality I have so much more then some people and should be really greatful for that. I feel really selfish for feeling this way too,because wanting more is frowned upon,but it's all I want,more. I have such an addiction to things that it sometimes drives me mad when I don't get them,it's a really bad habit I've formed this year...I'm really materialistic. I hate when people buy me things though,only I like to buy myself things.It gives me that feeling of satisfaction of knowing I can afford things for myself, it also fills my void,but only for so long before I want something else. As I said before,there's really few things that make me happy,and that's why I constantly want more,when that feeling of happiness runs out from whatever I have,there's just more out there that will make me happy. Sort of a high,I don't know it's hard to explain. I know I don't want to be like this forever though..I don't know what will cure me though,maybe a person? That's exactly what I need,and want. But I know for a fact that I won't get bored of him,because what kind of girl would I be if that was the case? A really terrible one,a terrible person indeed. Relationships and friendships are something I'll never get bored/tired of. I'm I a terrible person for being so materialistic?
-Malika